Posts Tagged ‘randy hasper’

Of all the desultory tenderness of life to love, the household intimacies stand out.

Those happy sprayings, scrubbings and rinsings, those putter-headed hums and dumbed-down calms that come within the circular motions of the bummed, do-and-be-done domestic particularities — the dirty dishes, tubs of laundry, vacuuming, dusting, the toilets — chorish and boorish as they be, they rank, crank and bank sweet, summed satisfaction.

These make up the warp, woof and womp of wondrous, wellish world.

Cleaning is such a lovely craft.

The winkling out of the personal particular with sponge or rag, the wiping, staging and preserving of our stuff, and the tossing out and keeping in — this is the good life.

Life is a sorting, a chucking, a washing and a storing business. We hunker down, do our own work, make our own domestic map, live as we choose.

I love it.

I’m not for maids or house keepers, or yard guys either. I am my own standard of order, I vibrate to my own cleaning chord. I live as I choose on my own steamed-cleaned carpet, mown lawn, within my own weeded flower garden, my own mucked out lily pond, my own potted patio, in the cubicles of my own closet organizer, in my own self-painted bedroom.

And I wish to keep it this way. I will do my own household tasks, live close to my own humanity, make my own bed, clean my own toilet, go through my own drawers, say my own household prayers, wash my own dishes, mow my own yard, shave my own face, take out my own trash.

It’s sanity, this happy, safe, soothing seeing too oneself.

It isn’t humbling; it’s intimate.

Someone once said to me, “It’s the little things that drive you crazy!”

It’s not.

It’s the little things that drive you sane — pills, pats and pets.

All praise for what is small: dollops and gobs and dabs, the edges of pie crusts, chocolate shavings.

Hail micro-sacredness of life, tiny flotsam and mini-jetsam — veins, mists, creeks, fogs.

Is it not life’s micro-detail, womp and woof of wondrous world, that moves us to gratitude?

Drops, pinches, dashes, rain, cinnamon, lotion; fermions, flounces, hadrons, hats, bosons, bacon bits, antiquarks — there is a breath-taking thereness in the smallest things.

And then at last there is the weight and force of slivered, severed time.

The massive power of one, tiny, single “was.”

The mighty microsity of one “will be.”

And the astonishing force of this quickly, quarky, snarky second’s “is.”

I clearly remember him, and later her, looking at me and saying, “I just want to be normal.”

The sorry soul, wasted, sobs for sanity.

Traumatized longs to just get back to normal — that steamy, soapy tub we ache to soak our grubby souls in once again.

Rub-a-dub-dub-ten-kids-in-a-tub — so many choices, so much bad grub.

Sordid chemistry, heart-breaking abandonments, hidden betrayals, personal illegalities, corporate illicities, national infamies — getting back to safe, to that boring, flat-road scenery we love to drive home through is so, so, so fine!

A warm bed, no nightmares, no hangover, the same wife, no jail time, eight hours of sleep, a Chai tea latte, hot oatmeal, school lunches, the cat on the couch beside us as we watch TV,  the morning news about another shooting in a mall or airport — normal is a speeding target swerving.

But that doesn’t make it of any less amazing.

Sane, sober and safe will always be the same kind of good. Gang-banging, bullying, doping, betraying, benumbing, or firing hot bullets into other people is not good or even remotely any kind of good-bad.

It’s good to get up everyday, go to work, come home to the same place at night, sleep with the same person, eat good food, not drink too much, to hope, choose, speed, swerve, and hang on to all the normal we can get — smashed down, shaken together and running out of our own taps.

Normal; it’s good.

Love, love, love,

Eloquence thereof.

Love speaks its mind in rowdy rhyme,

Word quests, fine jests and sweet behests.

It angles, jangles and phrase spangles,

Is fun and pun and fair fight won.

And yet — what fortitude love is framed from!

It doesn’t break upon life’s rack,

It bears the weight of time and space,

And on a lost love’s blunt return,

Love grabs lost love and won’t let go,

And smacks the lips and tips and pips,

And loves up all the jiggly bits.

And in the end — love,

At long last, quiets everything.

Love hushes all critics,

Ends all nags,

Stifles all groaners,

And muffles all interrogators.

With soft, safe, sacred silences,

Love ends the verbal din.

I hate death!

We all do —  except the ones in so much pain they reach longingly for the deep-downed, dark-doored, dumb-doped end. And the one who kills, again, and thrills to it — scary-eyed, numb, weirdly mad, mad, mad.

And yet, short of that, we bumble down the straight path toward the end blithely ignoring the dark, grim, hooded, million-scythed, body-reaping hole of life.

And when it does come to our door, we weep bitterly over the loss of  the one while remaining stupidly unmoved by the send-off of millions. In precisely this death-doped fashion we expose the colossal smallness and massive shortness of our empathetic reach.

And yet, thinking on it, on that unknown slam, bam and wham, who doesn’t blanch, lurch and fear a bit?  We all know that lurking somewhere in life’s caked cracks, its splintered beaks, broken teeth and diseased gums creeps and spreads the end. On all clocks, hour glasses and sun dials vultures sit.

Life is scary; if it weren’t so, death wouldn’t make us so afraid.

And so we temporize, prop up, work out and go for looks. It doesn’t help. Facelifts, breast implants and wigs just make the corpses weirder.

But whatever we do, or don’t do, say or don’t say at the end, in ritual and ceremony, bent solemnly over the still bodies, there is no getting around this: On your mark, get set — die!

And yet — not.

Of all the forces of the earth, death is the most vanquished. Sunflowers, guppies, rabbits, lichens, lilies, oaks, bats, cockroaches  — look how they beat death down.

Every time any living thing dies, after having reproduced itself, death loses again.

Always one step ahead of the grim reaper are the spring-blessed, over-sexed, very next sowers.

If I be true and sail a sea from false,

Til old’s so old it has forgot its self,

And storms have razed the ragged mountains tops,

And rains reforested the Amazon,

Then let memory,

From mind’s mad, muddy river make

An inland sea for my veracity.

When they have said, “As true as north, as south or east or west,

As drop to puddle,

Water to its fall,

As stream to lake,

And river to the great ocean.

Then let them say, to flash flood the heart of falsity —

As true as Randy.

Stop talking please.

Okay, gush a little more if you must — then hush. Going on too long makes the speech so very wrong.

Don’t you know that there is a time, between one set of words and another, when what happens only happens during silence?

Haven’t you, in the whomp and whoosh of wave-washed life, put on diving gear and dropped down into a sea of enforced quiet, sunk down within the deep walls of one of your own psyche’s submarine canyons and seen beautiful, quiet, coraline thoughts growing there?

And then, haven’t you, in wise and decompressive mode, surfaced — nicely aphonic. Remember that, the deep water, deep sea, depthy quiet, the next time you decide to send out a boat load of your verbal ware. Pause, then, and sail, softly on the quiet side of care.

We’ve too much practiced talk and squawk. Prattle, prattle, rock and rattle; tattle, tattle — it’s a custody battle. Hoarse, hoarse, remorse, remorse; of course, of course it’s a screamin’ divorce!

Prolix, bollixed.

Wind bags and wanton tongues yell and deafen the whole world.

Wise rags muff and fluff and heal with salves of quietness.

.

Hello!

Open up, eyes!

Out of bed sacked head!

Blink goodbye to downed night, and Hi-five upped sun.

Look, it’s a new day peeking through your upcurved-curtain lashes.

Turn out of your soft, shining bed to safe sun and bright star-kissed world.

Another night’s scary sorting has been warded off; day’s sane-slit and lash-louvered glow is back.

Up and out in it, how astonishing is the surrounding glory of the day’s sun-circle tour.

The bright squares of it, rectangles, circles, ellipsoids and serpentines of it.

Every wheel, waterway, window, wild and winding walk afire,

Glistening on the edge of our downy cheeks,

Angled through our slotted windows —

Life-making light!

Welcome!

The very brave fear greatly, then they charge!

They run at the very thing that scares them near death.

Unemployed? They screw their courage to a job board. Winless? They ride in the Tour de France clean. Broke? They tighten their money belt and pay their bills.

While cowards cheat; the brave go out and compete — alone if they must, in an open sea, in a storm, lost! When the waves breach the deck and no one comes to help. they lash down the watery hatches, set the slashing sails to full and take the spinning wheel.

They fail, miserably and try again.

And in their inner sanctuaries, those sad and fearful cloistered rooms inside, the brave brook no tart heart. They do not blame someone else, nor go begging for sympathy, nor rot with resentment, regret and rancorous refrain when all seems lost.

We all suffer; the courageous simply weep in a corner more quietly. Cowards and valiants both die many times before their deaths; the valiants simply break out of their graves and flush their sorry corpses out into the open again faster.

And in the end, bravery dies well, giving the final gift with gritted teeth and class. Lamed, the courageous run hard down the stretch toward the final pole vault.

Gush, then hush!
 
But there is so much to touch, in me and about you, so much angry red and such a sad, sad blue!
 
That’s so, but …
 
I have also noticed how the word throng bumps so Alice-In-Wonderland along, and how going on too long makes the speech so freakin’ Mad Hatter wrong, and how the rude riot against a healthy diet of quiet is not what anyone wants or needs.
 
What do we then do with our mad-dog word entourage and our thug-mug emotional devotional, with thoughts so far up the mentally unstable cliff that we are worn out from rappelling back down?
 
Well, how about if we just shut up?
 
It’s a thought …
 
You’ve seen how a verbose win, an armed and fired verbal din undoes within — and without.
 
Prattle, prattle, rock and rattle; tattle, tattle — it’s a custody battle. Hoarse, hoarse, remorse, remorse; of course, of course it’s a screamin’ divorce!
 
There is a zephyr, a cool, soft wind that blow through the mind when it stops talking …
 
We want that.We want more of that soft mental breeze, fragrant with reason, empathy and understanding, the one that wafts into the mind when it is still, the one that blows on the precipice and carries the cliff swallow up into the beautiful, quiet sky.